


somehow, some way, i keep moving along

by hamburr



Series: bury me face down [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Anxiety, Communication, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, gratuitous use of the fuck word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 20:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13108155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr/pseuds/hamburr
Summary: When Aaron gets the phone call, he’s in bed, asleep.He puts it together in fragments, over the next several hours.





	somehow, some way, i keep moving along

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xxcentaurus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcentaurus/gifts).



> _[when i go into the ground, i won't go quietly, i'm bringing my crown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLbqnmvLPKE) _
> 
> this is actually a sequel, but stands on its own too ♥

When Aaron gets the phone call, he’s in bed, asleep.

He puts it together in fragments, over the next several hours:

Aaron, home after a long and exhausting week of both of his jobs, had fallen into a deep sleep.

Aaron’s pager had gone off somewhere around midnight.

Alexander, still awake, had responded to the call, assuming, as always, that his skillset would be sufficient.

Alexander had gone in place of Aaron, got caught in the middle of a skirmish, gotten a bullet to his ribs for the trouble -- fucking _again_ \-- and promptly landed himself in the hospital, featuring emergency surgery and a really alarming amount of blood loss.

Aaron’s fear, at some point in this coming to understanding, sublimates into anger. As he drives to the hospital, his hands shake, and he wants to scream.

Alexander is ready for discharge by the time Aaron arrives, because he is _goddamn fucking lucky_ and didn’t get shot any more or less fatally. Aaron helps him into the car; he is uncoordinated and sluggish and on enough painkillers that he probably wouldn’t remember Aaron’s lecture if he tried, but he can’t hold back a what the fuck were you thinking?

Alexander makes a grumbly defiant sound in response. Aaron supposes that’s fair.

When Aaron gets Alex home and into bed, he can’t sleep. He sits beside Alexander and runs his fingers through his hair, over his spine, his arms, his hands, his legs, the lightest of touches, just to reassure himself that he’s solid. That he’s still there. He watches Alex’s chest rise and fall with his breathing, steady and even, and as the hours wear on, Aaron’s anxious heartbeat steadies.

He almost feels quiet enough to sleep when Alexander stirs, blinks up at Aaron with sleepy, unfocused eyes, and Aaron’s heartbeat starts racing again. All his fear, his panic and anger, rush back at once, in an almost dizzying burst of adrenaline.

Alexander reaches for Aaron’s hand, takes it in both of his. He smiles encouragingly, as though Aaron will smile back and cheerily chirp “good morning!” but he won’t, he _can’t_

“Alex,” Aaron says, and his voice doesn’t waver, it does _not_ , “why didn’t you wake me up?”

It’s not what he intended to say. It’s not one of the hundreds of things he imagined himself saying, especially not in the shaky voice that cracks at the end of the sentence -- he’s showed his hand, showed his worry, and --

“You needed the rest,” Alexander says, blasé.

“More than you needed your life?” Aaron says, and that comes out angry, angier than he meant it to; it snaps out of him, and Alex flinches. But now he’s started, and can’t stop. “Jesus Christ, Alexander, I don’t know what I can say to you to communicate how dangerous it is for you to go into those situations, especially with no protection but your, what? Your fucking skin? Your ability that’s only going to protect you if you are literally dying? Alex. _Alexander_. You were fucking _dying_ , do you realize that --?”

“But I _didn’t_!” Alex interjects. “I’m fine!”

“ _Did you know that you would be?_ ” Aaron roars, his voice over Alex’s, and then they both go silent from surprise. Aaron covers his face with his hands and tries to breathe, taking slow, shuddering breaths, fighting back the tears that threaten to choke him.

 

When he speaks again, it is muffled by his hands, unable to look at Alexander. “I love you so much,” he says. “I could not bear it if you died. Please understand. When they tested you… you know as well as I do that your abilities only manifest if your life is in danger, but -- but not if it kills you instantly -- Alex, there’s so many horrible things that could happen to you that could take you away from me. There’s so many ways your entire life could be changed. When you put yourself in the line of fire like that, there’s every chance that any of those things could happen at any moment. The reason they call for me in situations like that is because bullets don’t affect me. Please -- _please_ \-- I’m just. Just this one thing, Alexander. It’s not because you aren’t strong, or brave, or skilled -- it’s because I want you to _stay alive_.”

Alexander is quiet for so long that Aaron lowers his hands to look at him with concern. There are tears in Alex’s eyes, and he takes a deep breath and sits up, leans forward and rests his head on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron puts his arm around him, and Alex sighs. He pushes his face against Aaron’s shirt; from his breathing, Aaron is pretty sure that he is crying.

“I’m sorry,” says Alex, in barely a whisper. “I just want -- to help, so you don’t have this -- this fucking burden on you all the time, you hardly sleep, you’re trying to do so much, and -- and sometimes I wonder, would it even matter -- I mean, I don’t have fancy powers like you, I just work an office job, for fuck’s sake, would it really matter to the world if I was gone? If my abilities didn’t save me?”

“Yes, Alex, yes, it would,” says Aaron, his heart in his throat, holding Alex to him tightly. “Fuck, it would matter so much. You’re so important, you light up the whole world. I don’t know where I would be without you. You make my life better, you make everything better just by virtue of existing. I love you. I love you with my whole entire being, god, I didn’t know that loving someone would be like this, and -- and the thought of losing you, the thought of you dying, it physically hurts to think about. I know my love can’t save you. I know I can’t make those thoughts go away by loving you, no matter how much or how deeply. But I’m here. I’m here for you, always, no matter what. I don’t know if that’s enough, but it’s what I’ve got,” he finishes, a little helplessly.

Alexander, clinging tightly to Aaron, nods. Sniffles. Pushes his damp tearstained face against Aaron’s neck.

“I love you,” says Alexander. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron kisses the top of his head. “I’m sorry for shouting at you. I was just so scared.”

“I know,” says Alex. “I don’t blame you. You looked like you surprised yourself, honestly,” he adds, and giggles -- just a tiny bit, but it’s enough. Aaron lets out a tiny sigh of relief, but it comes out as a sob, and then he buries his face in Alexander’s hair. Alexander’s arms tighten around him.

“I’m here,” says Alex. “I’m right here, it’s okay. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing, I just -- I just want to know that this won’t happen again. That you’ll at least wear something bulletproof and take me with you.”

“I’ll do my best,” Alexander says. “I promise.”

“That’s all I could ever ask,” Aaron says. “Thank you.”

“Can we cuddle?” Alex asks softly.

As an answer, Aaron lays back down and curls around Alexander. Aaron usually wheedles Alexander into letting him be the little spoon, but today, he doesn’t mind wrapping himself around Alex and providing comfort in whatever way he can. He is careful not to touch the bandaged area on Alex’s side, though he’s sure it’s nearly entirely healed by now.

“I love you,” says Aaron.

“I love you,” Alex says back.

Aaron wants to memorize everything about this moment -- the sunlight streaming in through the window, lighting Alex’s skin gold, the soft wave of his hair, the stubble on his face, the softness of his shirt, the warmth of his body, the rise and fall of his chest with his breath. He knows, he knows, just as well as Alexander does, that nothing is promised, that not a single day is guaranteed -- but it’s the second time he’s gotten to keep Alex, despite the plans death seemed to have had in store. He doesn’t know if death will continue to haunt Alex’s footsteps, or what new terrors the future might have in store, but he knows that he will be here through it all.

He presses closer to his love, and Alexander takes Aaron’s hand in both of his again.

“Will you tell me if you’re feeling -- like that?”

“I will. Or, I’ll try. It’s hard to talk about. But… thank you. Thank you for caring.”

“I care about you so much,” Aaron whispers, almost reverently. “Thank you for being here.”

Alex turns over -- doesn’t even wince when he lays on his injured side, and kisses Aaron, slowly, softly.

“I’ll always be here,” he whispers against Aaron’s lips. He places a hand over Aaron’s heart. “No matter what. I’ll always love you.”

“Me too,” Aaron whispers. “No matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it!! happy holidays!! ♥
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @hambrr and comments and kudos give me life and the spoons to write more gay things


End file.
